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[Dec. 21st, 2007|01:00 am] |
hoes and bros
so yesterday was my first visit to a sleaze bar, or a "Lap-Sap Bar", where perverted old men like to hang out, drink, do drugs and have sex with women.
no, the last part wasn't true. not in its entirety at least. well anyway, we had our company cohesion dinner at a Filipino eatery in Katong Village, which is somewheres in Joo Chiat. to the streetsmart, the neighbourhood has, in recent years, lost some of its rustic charm to sleaze, brought about by the increasing number of watering holes that have sprung up. so back to the story, part two of the cohesion had been planned by dear old second-in-command, or two-aye-see, to be a troop-over to next door, where the bar was. i was apprehensive at first, especially since the other family-man-type warrant officers had cautioned us young and gullible NSFs.
"eh boys ar, if you are uncomfortable with this sort of thing don't hesitate to sound off."
"if they come up to you, you must always check if your wallet is still with you"
"don't touch them, or else you have to pay before you leave"
so we headed over after dinner for "part two", and the first thing that struck me when i entered was: this was worse than the night navigation exercise in Mandai. i literally couldn't see my hand in front of me, unless i held it up against the bright neon lights that screamed names like Tiger, Heineken, Victoria Bitter and San Miguel.
all the better for under-the-table hanky panky, i suppose.
as we had gone in at about 2100 hours, it was still considered early and the bar was relatively empty, save for the barman and his assistant. this wasn't so bad after all, i thought. there was a big tv screen with Creedence Clearwater Revival belting out," ... big wheel keep on turnin'... proud mary keep on burnin'... rollin'...", lyrics from a song which i later learnt was once banned in Singapore for its association with the drugs culture in America. my naiveness would be shortlived, for less than ten minutes after entering the premises, two-aye-see went out and came back with two plump ladies with lots of make-up that would have made a pontianak blush. as they walked past, i gasped from the immense amounts of perfume that evaporated off their skin. i looked at my colleagues, who in turn, looked back at me. and then two-aye-see spoke.
"gentlemen, this is rachel, and rachel, these are my men from where i work. introduce yourselves, gentlemen."
the tone in his voice was unmistakable- fail to comply and we would be serving guard duties till the day we ORD. we obediently complied. the lady then proceeded to chat up my two-aye-see and i thought it was over. to my horror, another one came up beside me and Joseph and proceeded to flutter her eyelashes. just when i thought i could stay silent, she started to introduce herself.
"hi guys, my name is mary-jane, nice to meet all of you."
just when i thought nothing could get any worse, a dear colleague, a real goofy one too, took the opportunity to butt in.
"hi! i am tom(wtf!), this here(indicating me) is peter parker, and over there is eddie brock."
in a split second, i had thought of several ways to kill him using different parts of a radio set. again, just when i thought the situation could not get any worse, she spotted the japanese book i had brought along for the train-ride.
"oh peter, you are learning japanese! that is very good! i like japanese!"
yea, she probably likes russian, gaeilic and aramaic, depending on which book i brought.
"uhh, yea, i am trying to learn."
"ohh, you know i like japan a lot, there is this sushi restaurant in katong..." she then proceeds to rattle off some foods associated with japan and some chicken rice stall in Katong, which was about as Japanese as the Great Wall of China.
"so you are from the army?"
"yea, i think so."
one table away, there was this man flanked by two girls and his hands were already doing a navigation exercise on them.
"ohh, do you go into the jungle every day? the jungle is so hot and have many trees and animals. you so brave to do it."
"uhh, i don't go into the jungle every day. i stay in the office." and watch gundam seed destiny on Youtube, i didn't add.
"ohh, so interesting! i like office workers. do you want some beer?" -points to my half-empty mug-
"no thanks."
"okay never mind. so what do you do everyday? army must be very tiring, but i like army man..." and she rattled on for five minutes before realizing i wasn't giving anything back other than the occasional "uhh" or "uh-huh" and that my interest laid more in the man on the lcd screen than her talk. she promptly walked off to another table.
phew.
after the mandatory half an hour or so for politeness' sake, i decided to take my leave. i remarked about how my dad was coming back from a business trip before midnight and drink-driving was harmful, causing them to infer and assume that i was driving, and that i was going to pick my dad up. i thus made my escape together with my previous course commander, who drove me to Paya Lebar station.
what an experience it was. i don't think i would ever want to step into such a place again.
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